To All Survivors of Sexual Assault
YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME (NOT EVEN A LITTLE BIT.)
I’m serious, not even a little bit.
If you were sexually assaulted (i.e. touched by or forced to touch someone in a sexual manner without your consent) THAT is all that matters. If you have had the following thoughts: “But I was drunk” . . . “I shouldn’t have gone to their hotel room”. . . “I never explicitly said ‘no’”. . . “I never screamed or pushed them off of me”. . .this is normal, but those thoughts stop here. DO NOT let anyone make you feel guilty for someone else HARMING YOU, or for you having a human response to a significantly traumatic event. Sexual assault is NOT YOUR FAULT!!!!!!!
Why Me?
No, “me” does not refer to you, the person reading this blog. It refers to me, Sandy (please don’t call me Sandra) Ribera Speed.
For the record, I am really writing this myself and in my own “voice.” I decided if I was to ask survivors to be honest about the fact that Sexual Assault was NOT their fault, I, also, needed to speak to you from my heart.
The contents of this blog are just my opinions as a human being who has had the honor and privilege of representing survivors of sexual assault for well over a decade. The contents of this blog may not be perfect – grammatically or otherwise – but they are from the heart, and they are honest.
Because I Believe You
Even if I’ve never communicated with you, I believe you. And it’s not just me, studies show that only between 2-10% of persons who have reported being sexually assaulted lied about it. Still, for many survivors of sexual assault, their first step is to go to the police. For some, this is also their last step because they are so discouraged when the police don’t seem “convinced” as to what happened or the District Attorney decides not to file criminal charges against their perpetrator. DON’T LET THIS DISCOURAGE YOU!
In order for a District Attorney to be successful in any criminal prosecution, they have to prove your case beyond a reasonable doubt, which is almost impossible to do in sexual assault cases when typically there are no witnesses other than the survivor and the perpetrator. In my experience, it is not unusual for a client to have gone to the police and their investigation went nowhere or the District Attorney decided not to bring charges. Having said that, it is still a good idea to report your sexual assault to the police (more on that later). However, don’t let any negative response dissuade you from continuing your journey for justice!
Please note: even if this does not mean you are lying or that you don’t have a case. It just means that your case may be civil, as opposed to criminal. A civil sexual assault case only needs to be proven by a preponderance of the evidence (which is just a grain of sand more than 50%). It makes no difference to me whether the police or others believe you, because I do. I trust that if you are brave enough to tell your deeply personal story to a virtual stranger (i.e. me), you are telling the truth. So don’t give up the fight!
Because I Will Walk With You
Some people are slow walkers (i.e me) and some people are fast walkers (i.e. my mother-in-law), but taking those first steps in seeking legal guidance for your sexual assault claim is a big step.
Sexual Assault survivors often delay in seeking legal assistance for a variety of reasons … some survivors may be repressing their memories of the traumatic event, some may just not want to talk about it, others may be fearful of their perpetrator, or embarrassed. Please know that your safety and dignity are always top priority. Perpetrators can instill fear to protect their bad deeds and deter you from taking action against them. I am here to be a source of strength for you and make sure that your perpetrator is held accountable for what they did to you. You are not alone in this.
Taking control by seeking help and asking questions IS the first step, whether you walk slowly, or move quickly, through the process. The reason I do this work is because being an attorney who represents survivors of sexual assault is the most impactful way I can assist survivors in their healing process. My goal is to treat all survivors with the respect and dignity they deserve while guiding them through their legal journey for justice and ultimately healing.
If you are ready to take the first step, big or small, contact me by phone, email, or through our online form, to begin. Together, we will walk through the process of justice, healing and recovery, in the manner that is most comfortable for you.
~Sandra Ribera Speed
Blog for Sexaual Assault Survivors