Sexual Assault FAQ

Sexual Assault.
Get Answers.

Recovering from a traumatic event, such as sexual assault, begins with questions. Knowing how to move forward is difficult. No one is prepared to deal with trauma on their own, it takes work, and time. Here are some answers that may help you toward recovery:

Q. Was what was done to me sexual assault?
A. If you were touched in a manner that felt inappropriate, if you were afraid to say “no,” or if you did not anticipate or welcome a sexual act, you may have been sexually assaulted.

 

Q. Is sexual assault always violent?
A. No. In many cases, you may not have felt endangered in a physical sense. Predators often “groom” their victims by making them feel that what was happening was ok. Additionally, there is often an imbalance of power between predators and their victims such that the victim is put into a position where they feel that they have “no choice” but to acquiesce to the predator’s unwanted sexual demands (i.e. when the predator is your boss, doctor, teacher, pastor, etc.). Either way, sexual acts committed under these circumstances can in fact constitute a sexual assault.

 

Q. Is it wrong to feel confused about my situation?
A. Not at all. Labeling an act as “sexual assault” can be very difficult for a person who is not a lawyer, law enforcement, or a medical professional to assess. And sometimes, coming to terms with the fact that you have been sexually assaulted can take a while. If you are confused about whether or not you were sexually assaulted, it is worth reaching to a therapist and/or attorney with experience in the area to help you make sense of what happened to you.

 

Q. If a sexual act was not completed, is it still sexual assault?
A. Yes. Touching, groping, inappropriate undressing and many other unwanted actions are also sexual assault.

 

Q. If someone has made me feel at risk of unwanted intimacy, is that a crime?
A. Yes. Non-touching offenses are a crime, and punishable by law. [https://www.nsopw.gov/safety-and-education/questions-and-answers#0-0]

 

Q. Should I believe excuses after being sexually assaulted?
A. Predators are often people who are known by the victim, including friends, friends of friends, romantic partners, or even family members. You may have been told it was due to alcohol or drug use, stress, or any number of excuses. However, under no circumstances is an excuse for sexual assault ok.

 

Q. As a college student, I am worried about repercussions if I report an assault. Is it even worth reporting?
A. Yes! It may feel like people won’t believe you, or that coming forward will cause you problems with your school administration, or your peers. You may have been told it “wasn’t a big deal,” or that the offender “didn’t mean to do it,” or was drunk or on drugs and didn’t know what they were doing. But make no mistake, you have the absolute right to attend college in a safe environment. If you do not feel safe in your school environment – say something to someone who will take your concerns seriously. Your confidentiality and your dignity should be the first concern of any person in a position to assist you. This may not always happen, but don’t give up as there are likely others that feel the exact same way as you do and depend on your voice being heard.

 

Q. People keep asking me questions about what happened during sexual assault, and sometimes I can’t remember everything. It seems like a blur. Is this normal?
A. Yes. This is called “selective response.” People often have trouble remembering details about a traumatic event. [https://sharecenter.yale.edu/support-qa#remembering]. Even in my own role, as an attorney–and a voice–for sexual assault victims, our journey together begins by putting together “the pieces.” It can be a painful experience, and help is available to assist you through the process. But it is important for victims to get the answers they need about what happened to them, while beginning the healing process.

 

Q. Some people have blamed me for being sexually assaulted. Was it my fault?
A. No. It is difficult to feel compassion for people who are making your traumatic experience even more difficult. But an important part of recovery is to know that what happened to you happened TO you. Not because of you. You deserve support, and to be believed.
Just as we tend to blame ourselves for bad experiences, others who are blaming you are trying to make sense of it all too. Our brains are programmed to attempt to make sense of traumatic experiences in order to protect us. Blaming ourselves, or a victim, are ways we try to make ourselves feel safe—like it can’t happen to us for one reason or another. Our brains also make it scary to move beyond these feelings, but it is very important to your healing process that you do so.

 

Q. After being sexually assaulted, I started distrusting everyone. I feel like I may make a mistake and trust the wrong person, and be in danger again. What do I do?
A. Your feelings are normal. Trust is based on our ability to control outcomes. Your trust has been damaged by not being able to control what happened to you. An important reason for seeking help is to rebuild your confidence, through empowerment. This may begin with reporting the sexual assault, speaking with a counselor, seeking justice through legal processes, or attending group therapy sessions with other survivors. One step in the right direction is a step toward rebuilding your confidence.

 

Q. I have spent much of my time thinking about what happened, and it affects everything in my life. What do I do now?
A. Justice can be an important part of healing. We can help. Contact me to discuss how to move forward. I will stand by you, and walk with you through your journey toward justice and healing.